Triads and Tribulations

Juno – Part I (my perspective) March 18, 2010

Oh my blog, oh my blog, oh my blog is back.  Stone cold sober as a matter of fact.  I can blog I can blog ’cause I’m infertile too, It’s the way that I move, the things that I do

I’m back baby!  Life gets in the way sometimes and I need to find a way to get to this more often.  Tons of ideas are swirling in my head and I need to get them down on paper.  So here goes and I hope you enjoy……

I was watching Juno again tonight for the umteenth time (it’s always on HBO). I have been intending to write about this movie for eons. I have been bogged down though by the multitude of things I could write about with regard to this movie (and never really sure where to start). Sooooo, I have decided to analyze it (as best I can and for what it is worth) in many different aspects and in several different posts. People in the adoption community seem to love or hate this movie.  Please don’t flame me.  Give me a chance to write about this from my perspective first.  You can’t just read one post about this and make an assumption.  I know my perspective is not the perspective of a birthmother/birthfather, an adoption agency or an adoptee.  This is about how this movie touched me and my husband.  It is not about how realistic it is or whether or not it paints an accurate picture of a real domestic adoption (it doesn’t and we will save those things for other posts).  If you haven’t ever seen this movie I would highly recommend it.  It may not leave the same taste in your mouth that it did for me, but to each his own.

Adoption has touched our lives forever – twice.  It was a very different experience with each child even though both of my children were adopted at birth and both have the same biological parents.  This movie brings me back again and again to what it was like that first time around.   So many parts touched home.  The first thing that really moved us was a line by Juno’s stepmom, Bren, when she and Juno’s father were discussing the shock of Juno being pregnant.  She says, “Someone else is gonna find a precious blessing from Jesus in this garbage dump of a situation.”  Whoa, whoa, don’t get upset folks.  I am not suggesting that an unplanned pregnancy is a “garbage dump of a situation” for all, but it is not an easy thing to go through especially for a teenager.  My husband and I DO feel that we have TWO precious gifts from God.  Infertility isn’t easy, but for us we wouldn’t change a thing.  I really do think it was meant to be.

The next thing that I can sooo relate to is that initial meeting between Juno and the prospective adoptive parents (Jennifer Garner and Jason Bateman).   For those of you who don’t know, domestic (aka American) adoption is now done a lot differently than it was in the past.  You develop a profile of your family and then a birth family selects you to have a match meeting.  If you like each other then you “match.”  Matching is not set in stone.  It is an agreement, but either side can break this agreement at any time along the way.  This is a nerve-wracking experience for all involved.  You want to be yourself, but you don’t know how to act at the same time.  Our initial meeting was via the phone, but that was followed by a match meeting 7 hours from home at a restaurant.  We did not have an adoption agency representative present and I will tell you I have hardly ever been so nervous.  In the movie, the meeting occurs at the prospective adoptive parents house.  There are scenes of them straightening the magazines just right, fixing their sleeves, etc.  Probably all stuff that has NO impact on their match, but as a couple trying to adopt you just don’t know what people are looking for.  You are afraid that somehow some little thing you will do will break the deal.

I can especially relate to Jennifer Garner’s character.  She comes across initially as kind of stiff and reserved.  I think that is what infertility can do to you.  You build up this protective shell.  You lose hope, but you also hang onto hope.  It’s really all you have.  Throughout the movie she is fearful that things will not work out.  She asks Juno how sure she is that she is going to place her child for adoption and then asks her to quantify her certainty with a percentage.  Jennifer Garner’s character has had a prior failed adoption (she was matched with birthparents, but it did not work out – the reason is not fully revealed).  She is also fearful that there is something wrong with the baby, etc. when Juno shows up unexpectedly to show them the ultrasound. 

I can also relate to another side of Jennifer Garner’s character.  She has this complete respect for Juno and the decision she is making.  My husband and I feel nothing but respect for the decision that our chidren’s birthparents made.  It is such a selfless and difficult decision to make.  Unfortunately, many birthparents are criticized by so many for their decisions.  The other thing I can relate to is that Jennifer Garner is so in love with the baby before it is even born.  As a prospective adoptive parent you want to guard yourself, but it is so hard not to get attached.  She asks to feel the touch Juno’s belly to feel the baby move.  She talks to the baby and is overjoyed with the baby moves for her.   I also completely read her emotion when Juno is talking about getting huge and Jennifer’s character says that she thinks being pregnant is beautiful.  Juno then says that she is lucky she doesn’t have to go through it.  All of this is the stuff you miss out on when you don’t carry a child yourself.  That is not to say that I or any other adoptive parent would change a thing after the fact, but it is hard sometimes to think that you missed out on that stuff.  On the other hand there are all the bad parts of pregnancy that you don’t miss out on

The last thing I will talk about in this post is the hospital experience.  Seeing Jennifer Garner look into the nursery at her son brings back so many memories for us.  We were not able to be in the delivery room when our first child was born and our first glimpse was through the nursery window.  There is also a scene where Jennifer is holding the baby for the first time.  She is nervous and gets verbal support from Juno’s stepmom.  Our birthmother’s mother was THE most supportive person we had when we were at the hospital.  She was so nice to us and although she wished her daughter did not have to go through placing a child for adoption she felt that it was the best decision she could make.  Unfortunately, our birthmother’s mother passed away on our first child’s second birthday.  We had just started having contact with her via email.  I will never get to tell her how much it meant to us for her to support us the way she did.

So, that being said, you can see that a movie (realistic or otherwise) can touch or evoke emotions in people that they might not have had if their life had taken a different course